JOKES CENTRAL

JOKES CENTRAL

Welcome to Jokes Central, your ultimate destination for a laughter-filled extravaganza! Brace yourself for a non-stop rollercoaster of giggles, chuckles, and side-splitting humor. Here, we've gathered the finest collection of jokes and witty one-liners to brighten your day and lift your spirits. Whether you're in need of a quick pick-me-up or a good dose of comic relief, our pages are brimming with hilarious tales that will leave you rolling on the floor with laughter.

Get ready to unleash your inner comedian and join us on this joyous journey of mirth and amusement. Laughter awaits around every corner, so come on in and let the fun begin at Jokes Central!

The Ultimate Jokes Page - Lighten Your Day with Laughter

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• Why doesn’t the sun go to college?

  Because it has a million degrees!

• How do you make holy water?

  You boil the hell out of it.

• What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?

  Ca-shew!

• Is Google male or female?

  Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

• What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

  A desserter.

• Why don’t ants get sick?

  They have anty-bodies.

• Why are strawberries natural musicians?

  They love to jam.

• Why do porcupines always win the game?

  They have the most points.

• What’s the difference between black-eyed peas and chickpeas?

  Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chickpeas can hummus one.

• What did one plate say to the other plate?

  Dinner’s on me.

• What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

  I don’t know, and I don’t care.

• The past, the present and the future walked into a bar.

  It was tense.

• I gave up my seat to an elderly person on the bus.

  And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.

• 70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated.

  So the earth is, in fact, flat.

• Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?

  Because to them, love means nothing!

• My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are.

  But I laugh more.

• Why did the ghost go to rehab?

  He was addicted to boos.

• What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye?

  A Do-you-think-he-saw-us!

• Why did the developer go broke?

  Because he used up all his cache.

• What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?

  A barberqueue.

• Me:I want to become a millionare like my uncle

  My friend:Your uncle is a millionare?

  Me:No he wants to become one to

• My uncle is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London…

  – he works around the clock.

• I’ll never forget the last words my uncle said to me before he passed…

  “Stop shaking the ladder, you little shit!”

• Did you hear about what happened your sweaty uncle?

  He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant

• Jin: Did you know whenever I am sad, I read my blood donor ID?

  BTS: Why?

  Jin: Because it always says “B” positive

• Did you here about the old guy who gave toddlers dynamite?

  He was a Baby Boomer

• Santa: Let’s Go To a Movie.

  Banta: Shit, I’ve Got A Doctor’s Appointment Today.

  Santa: Just Cancel It, Tell Him You’re Sick.🤣🤣

• Jin: What do you call a man with no body and nose?

  BTS: What?

  Jin: Nobody Nose

• I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

  I’ll let you know which comes first.

• Every morning, I announce that I’m going running, but then I don’t.

  It’s a running joke.

• How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit?

  Approximately 1 GB.

• What are a shark's two favorite words?

  Man overboard.

• What is the tallest building in the entire world?

  The library, because it has so many stories.

• The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…

  Wait, where are we again?

• Santa was fixing a bomb in a car.

  Banta: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing

  Santa: Don’t worry, I have one more.

• Santa: I Think That Girl Is Deaf.

  Banta: How Do You Know?

  Santa: I Told her I Love Her, But then she showed me her slippers.🤪

• What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

  Bison.

• Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

  His car got toad away.

• My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate.

  I told them, “Just you wait!”

• What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

  This tastes a little funny.

• Husband and wife are sleeping..

  Wife dreaming... and she suddenly shouts "Quick, my husband is back"...

  Husband gets up in lightning speed & jumps out of the window.

• Heated gold is called ornaments.

  Beated copper is called wire.

  Compressed carbon is called diamond.

  Heated,beated and compressed human is called HUSBAND

• Banta sent an SMS to his pregnant wife. Less than a minute later, the report came on his phone and he started dancing.

  The report said, ‘Delivered’.

• Santa: I have more Fans than You.

  Banta: That’s not a huge thing, I have an AC at my home.

• Teacher: Why does 'The Great Wall of China' features in the '7 Wonders of the World'?

  Santa: Because it is the first and only Chinese product which lasted for so long.

• A man telephoned an airline office in New Delhi and asked, How long does it take to fly to Australia?

  The Clerk said, "Just a minute...." "Thank you!" the man said and hung up.

• Teacher: Why does 'The Great Wall of China' features in the '7 Wonders of the World'?

  Santa: Because it is the first and only Chinese product which lasted for so long.

• A man telephoned an airline office in New Delhi and asked, How long does it take to fly to Australia?

  The Clerk said, "Just a minute...." "Thank you!" the man said and hung up.

• A weather forecaster took a job in another part of the country.

  When asked why he transferred he replied,

  The weather didn't agree with me.

• The flight attendant asks a cannibal in First Class: "Would you like to see the menu?"

  And the cannibal responds: "No. Can I see the passenger list? Thank you!"

• Wife: Today, I want to relax, So I have brought three movie tickets.

  Husband: why three tickets?

  Wife: you and your parents.

• What is the difference between welding and wedding

  In welding there are sparks first and bonding forever, whereas in wedding there is bonding first and sparks forever

• Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the 5th floor of a building and it caught fire then how can you escape from there?

  Santa: It’s simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

• Santa: Banta, did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?

  Banta: No, what happened?

  Santa: He got twelve months!

• A leave letter to a headmaster:

  As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today.

• Height of misunderstanding:

  A man married his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before !!

• Wife is angry 😡as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus, a few seconds later the girl slaps him for pinching.

  Hubby to wife: I swear I didn't .

  Wife: I know, I did it..

• A employee applied for half-day leave as follows:

  Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o'clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave.

• Santa: U cheated me.

  Shopkeeper: How? I just sold a Radio to you.

  Santa: The label of the Radio shows that it is made in China but Radio says “All India Radio”🤣🤣🤣

• Santa: Banta, why did you take a ladder to the restaurant?

  Banta: Because I heard they had really high prices!

• Maximum wives hate their husband's friends...!!!

  Maximum husbands love their wife's friends...!!!

  ...Men are generally nice...

• Funny Leave application 🤣

  Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave.

• Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?

  She took a day off.

• Doc to lady: Any history of insanity in the family ?

  Lady: Yes... My husband thinks he is the Boss of the house!!!

• I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

  He told me to stop going to those places.

• “I don’t think I look thirty, do you, dear?” asked the wife.

  “No, darling, not now,” her husband replied. “But you used to.”

• After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies.

  Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.”

  His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

• What do you call a magic dog?

  A labracadabrador.

• "Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"

  "Yes, of course..."

  "Great! I never could before!"

• Did you hear that researchers have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary?

  It runs in your jeans.

• Once there was a mirror that killed anyone who lied...

  French : I think I dont smoke (died).

  American : I think I love my wife (died).

  Santa: I think.. (died)

• Lady: My husband just swallowed an Aspirin by mistake, what shall I do?

  Dr: "Give him a headache now, why waste medicine !"

• What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

  Make me one with everything.

• What did the left eye say to the right eye?

  Between you and me, something smells.

• The most dangerous joke till date:

  Banta: How the word 'Wife' was invented?

  Santa: They took the first two and last two letters of 'Wildlife'!

• Santa was writing past tense of "I make a mistake"

  Guess what he wrote ?

  "I was made by a mistake"

• There are two types of wives.

  First Type: Quiet, Beautiful, Understanding, Not Argumentative, Loving, One who listens to husband.

  Second Type: Your own wife.

• Wife: I have changed my mind.

  Husband: Is it working now?

• Bank manager asks Santa in an interview: "What is cyclone"

  Santa: "It is the loan given to purchase a cycle"

• How do you identify a Santa in a classroom ?

  It is simple.. check who's erasing his notes when the teacher is cleaning the board. !!!!

• What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

  Thanks— I’ll never part with it!

• “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy.

  First, let her think she’s having her way. Second, let her have it.”

• “I wish I had enough money to buy an elephant.”

  “What on earth do you need an elephant for?”

  “I don’t. I just need the money.”

• What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie?

  A pie-thon!

• My son had to give up his career because of fallen arches.

  “He’s an athlete?”

  “No—an architect.”

• What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

  The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

• What’s an astronaut’s favorite candy?

  A Mars bar.

• What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

  A receding hare-line.

• Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?

  They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

• Author: "I'm convinced that the publishers have a conspiracy against me."

  Friend: "What makes you think so?"

  Author: "Ten of them have refused the same story."

• A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

  The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

• Restaurant patron: “Waiter, I’d like a bottle of wine.”

  Waiter: “What year, sir?”

  Patron: “Well, I’d like it right now.”

• Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor?

  It needed help figuring out its problems.

• How does NASA organize a party?

  You planet.

• What is an astronaut's favorite part on a computer?

  The space bar.

• Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

  Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

• A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

  “Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”

• Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

  He was just going through a stage.

• Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

  There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

• Why did the tomato turn red?

  It saw the salad dressing.

• Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?

  Because he was always spotted.

• Two Hollywood stars ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrist’s office.

  “Hello, there,” said one. “Are you coming or going?”

  “If I knew that,” said the other, “I wouldn’t be here.”

• What do you call a pig that does karate?

  A pork chop.

• Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?

  She couldn’t control her pupils.

• Why did the scarecrow win an award?

  Because he was outstanding in his field.

• Why did the student eat his homework?

  Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

• A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

  “Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

• Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

  They just wash up on shore.

• Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

  Because every play has a cast

• Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

  “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”